A Year of Missing

It happened suddenly even though I was expecting it. It left me in shock, numb, and in a state of disbelief. I began to go through the motions of packing, calling people, and planning the following week. Nothing seemed real. It was as if the world had stopped and kicked me off and I was in my own little space.

My daughter Brianna on her wedding day
with Mary Lee

The following week was filled with travel, packing up an entire household, and then finally saying "see you later". It was a draining week, a sad week, a week I will never forget.

A year ago April 26th one of the most interesting, unique, and loving women I know, passed away. My Aunt Mary Lee Weiler. 

She was always there for us as a family. No matter how far away we were she made it to birthday parties, graduations, weddings, and holidays. When something happened with a member of the family she knew about it and did what she could to help.

After she had passed away my parents, Geoff, and I had to go through her apartment and clean everything out. On her walls were family pictures, school pictures of my children, my daughter's wedding pictures, and my wedding pictures. In every nook and cranny of her home there were pictures. In her dresser drawers, cabinets, closets, under her bed. Wherever you looked she had surrounded herself with pictures of the people she loved the most, her family.

Over the course of this year there have been many times when I've picked up the phone to call Aunt Mary Lee only to be hit with the pain of losing her all over again. My daughter and I wanted to tell her about the baby on the way. I wanted to call her after my heart surgery and tell her I was going to be fine. Not hearing her unique voice over the phone saying "Well now, how we be doing?" still hurts.

We as a family were blessed to have this very special person in our lives. We are better people because of her example. She knew what was important to her, God and family. It is my prayer that my children will remember Aunt Mary Lee's example and cherish God and family as much as she did.

Me at the age of 18 months with
Mary Lee

What a joy to know that we only said "see you later". Knowing that I will see Aunt Mary Lee again in heaven has given me great peace over the last year. Missing her on earth with never change but the excitement of seeing her again carries me on.

Until we meet again Aunt Mary Lee! Love you, Miss you! 

Is Your Life a Roller Coaster or a Ferris Wheel?

I once spoke at a Ladies' Retreat. My topic was entitled "Stop the Roller Coaster! I want to get off!" At the time many people I spoke to told me that they felt as if they were on a roller coaster and they were getting sick with every up and down of their lives. I can relate!

Lately, however, I have felt that my life is like a Ferris Wheel. Going around and around in one circle making me dizzy and disoriented. Maybe that's because 4 months ago I had a very serious procedure done on my heart and I'm still recovering. Every time I go to do something I think I can handle - oops dizziness or a migraine hit and I'm down for the count for a day or so. It's frustrating. I'd like to get up and move, exercise (more than just walking), & get my list done. (Women have lists, men. Mostly of things you'll have to do but sometimes they have lists for themselves and the need to get them done is very strong.) 

Some people say "Oh Debbie, you have your whole life ahead of you! Slow down and enjoy it!" I recently heard a line from a movie that fits how I feel about that statement "You have what's left of your life ahead of you." I want to get out there and go right now but I'm stuck in this Ferris Wheel until I'm healthy enough to jump off and get on the roller coaster. 

I may regret saying this but I'm actually looking forward to the Roller Coaster. God has wonderful things in store for me and for my family. Don't get me wrong, God is using me as I spin on my Ferris Wheel. He uses us wherever we are. However, it would be nice to get out there and do more, but until then - around and around I go on my "lovely" Ferris Wheel.  Weeeeeeeeee.   

It's Friday, But Sunday's Coming!

Tomorrow is Good Friday. The day we remember what Jesus did for us. God sent His Son to earth in the form of a baby (Luke 2) to grow up and teach us, love us, & heal us (Matthew, Mark, Luke, & John). 

Then after 33 years of life we turned on him and demanded he be crucified. We beat him, we mocked him, and we killed him. He went through it willingly knowing that blood had to be shed for the sins we've done, the sins we are doing, and the sins we will do. (Matthew 27) That is why it's called Good Friday.

But then three days later HE ROSE! (Matthew 28:1-10). He beat death itself! Why? so that we could serve a RISEN Saviour! So when we die it will not be the end. If we believe in God and ask him to be Lord of our life he comes into our hearts and we will live with him forever in Heaven. Death is not the end but the beginning. All because of Good Friday and Easter Sunday.

So tomorrow may be Good Friday, but Sunday's coming!

Easier Said Than Done

That phrase "Easier Said Than Done", I say it about once a day in my head and quite often out loud. It is so easy to say something but to actually do it - well that is a different story.

Take, for example, worry. It is easier to say "Don't worry about it, God will take care of it" than it is to actually allow God to take over.

In the past God has not let me down. Not once. He has been faithful to provide for our needs. Even when Geoff and I were on welfare and barely had a penny to our names, God provided. He gave us food through very loving aunts (thanks Aunt Dianne & Aunt Marian!). He provided money for formula for our baby daughter through a very caring member of our church. We always had a roof over our heads, our home never had the heat turned off. He protected us and blessed us more and more as the years went on.

So why, as I look back on my life, do I have a hard time letting go of my worry and just letting God handle things? Maybe it is because I am a woman and we tend to have a need to control everything. From our children, to our husbands, to every day events. It is hard to let go and let God but it is what he asked of us (Matthew 6:25-34).

So this is my challenge to all of you. Change your thinking from "Easier Said Than Done" to "Let Go and Let God". Why? Because He is God and we are not! He has a plan, He has been faithful in the past and will be faithful with your today and tomorrows. Is this "Easier Said Than Done"? Yes! Do we need to do it anyway? YES! 

So who is with me! Are we ready to "Let Go and Let God"? Please say yes I don't want to do this without you. 

Becoming a Grandma

My daughter is going to bless us with our first Grandchild. A little baby to hold and cuddle with. A little person to introduce to life.  But most importantly a little person to spoil rotten!

My favorite memories of my childhood where going to Grandma & Grandpa Burr's house. There were always freshly baked cookies ready for me to eat up. Playing with my cousins outside. Sitting with my grandparents, aunts & uncles on the front lawn watching the cars drive by. Podding peas, eating cucumbers right out of the garden. Hearing Grandpa yell "Close the door we're you born in a barn" 

One of the best memories ever is one that was hardly talked about. It just happened day after day. My Grandparents never said the word "Good-bye". It didn't matter if you were leaving their home or hanging up from a phone call. They just didn't say the word.  I asked my Grandpa later in his life why he never said "Good-bye" to me. This man, who said very little but what he did say was full of wisdom, looked at me and said "When you are a child of God there is no such thing as Good-bye". Even during my last visit with my Grandpa the word "good-bye" was not use. Instead my Grandpa looked at me and said "I love you". Best memory ever!

My grandchildren will not hear the word "Good-bye" from me. They will hear "I love you" all the time!

I can't wait to be a Grandma. I was taught by the best!